


That time the author found a one-word generator site

by violadiaries



Category: Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy IV: The After Years
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Headcanon, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), More tags to be added, One Word Prompts, Rating to be sure, Short Chapters, just to be productive, lots of them probs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26505013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violadiaries/pseuds/violadiaries
Summary: The title explains it pretty much I guess. Every chapter will be a based on some word it gave me. Probably mainly focusing around Kain. Chapter titles will always be the word I've used as an inspiration for the chapter.
Relationships: Golbez/Kain Highwind
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Note

**Author's Note:**

> Just to warn everyone right off the bat, I probably won't update consistently, 'cause this was born out of boredom and if kinda just to focus my thoughts on something productive whenever my mind decides to drfit away into darker places.   
> I still hope whatever my (probably mostly whenever I write in the file sleep deprived) mind comes up with will be enjoyable.  
> :)  
> Oh yeah, English is not my native language, so I apologize up front for any mistakes I'll make :')  
> (Will probs proofread once I've slept a bit)

As the twin moons shone on Baron castle, festivities still going on, Kain stood alone in his chambers. It had been easy for him to withdraw from the eyes of the rest without being noticed. Cecil and Rosa and Cid, Edge and Rydia, everyone was occupied with different things, mainly celebrating the saved world for now. They were cheerful, happy, laughing and for a while Kain had found himself chuckling with them, smiling at stories, before he had deemed it time to go. Now looking at the night sky, calm and cloudless as if they hadn’t risked their lives earlier this day, his smile had turned sad, his eyes full of regret. A small bag sat on the bed he had called his own for five years now, since the day King Odin had taken him in, after his own father’s passing.

His spear leaned against the wall, ready to be taken up, ready to be used. Kain looked at the sky, and from below he faintly could hear the celebrations, the music going on. Closing his eyes he could still see them laughing, cheering, not suspecting a thing. He hadn’t had a right to be among them. It wasn’t his place to watch their happiness unfold, as glad as he was for them to have attained it.

Baron had been his home for the last twenty-one years, but now standing in his chambers, looking at the sky he had watched often at night, he felt like a stranger in a home that wasn’t his anymore. He was in a place where he didn’t belong. Not like he was now, not with what he had done.

He knew they wouldn’t notice, knew Cecil would see the note he had left only in the morning, upon awakening. Tonight he was drunk on happiness, luck and probably ale and wine and what not else as well.

Kain smiled at the thought though his smile still wishful. The small note he had written only moments before. Nothing much more than to say he would be gone by the time it would be read. Not where to, not for how long.

He wondered if he should have explained himself, but found if he had done that he probably would have taken too long. Kain knew he couldn’t waste time and yet he found himself halting, watching the sky. Contemplating. But the note was written, placed by Cecil’s bedside for him to be discovered. He would search for him as soon as he read it, but Rosa would become angry for not having said a word. For not having talked, but only left a small piece of paper.

He didn’t want them to search for him, he didn’t want them to think of him. Rosa and Cecil would be happy by themselves, as would everyone else be. He wasn’t needed in Baron, not how he was at the moment. Not with a mind as weak as his. But by the time they would read the note he would be long gone. His destination as a clear image in his mind. And once he would be stronger he would return. Maybe he would send them notes over time, would return only for a while under a guise, to leave them at places to be found by the right person.

The thought made him laugh, imagining their frustration upon discovering them and then knowing he had been there.

No…perhaps he would leave it at that one. Cecil needed to become a strong leader with Rosa as his queen by his side. Distractions such as this would be unneeded there. Unwelcome probably. This one would have to suffice. They would worry first, but he hoped, maybe, just maybe Cecil understood it’s meaning.

Maybe Cecil would know his thoughts…he could only hope.

_‘I will leave Baron behind in your hands my friend, trusting you to keep our home safe. Concentrate on that alone, alright?_

_Kain’_


	2. Punishment

Punishments were something Kain had become accustomed to over the years. After his mother’s passing his father had become cold and harsh, handing out punishments whenever he saw one of Kain’s actions unfit or the exercises he gave him through turned out to be performed wrong. Whenever he would get in trouble in town, a punishment would be waiting for him at home or whenever Rosa would tell on him for not taking care of himself, little could she know the words of his father and the intensity of the training, once again having become harder, too harsh for a boy his age, would do little to help. Sometimes it was even things as mundane as being forbidden to leave the house, except to go to school for his studies. Other times his father would prove to him how weak he really was.

It was a reason Kain had come to resent his father during his youth, it was a reason for constant arguments as Kain grew older, but Richard Highwind would only scoff and dish out the next punishment if Kain was unlucky.

Once his father had passed and Kain had been taken in by the King the punishments ceased. King Odin was not one to punish little jokes or children’s schemes. He would not punish someone harshly for a minor offense, would always be just, would always be fair. At first it was weird for Kain, having become used to his father’s harsh ways, to the punishments, but it was not unwelcome. It was the reason it came as a shock for Kain as well as for Cecil when he decided to punish both of them for simply speaking their minds.

And even though the resentment, what he had as a boy thought to be hatred had been there, he still had wanted to feel closer to his father, became a dragoon like him. He wanted to surpass him. And as he rose through the ranks, it was him who started to dish out the punishments, as he had once been on the receiving end of them. Whenever he saw fit, whenever the soldiers would not listen, he would make them listen.

After some time he knew they rather feared instead of respected him, but after some more time one morphed into the other. And slowly Kain began to understand. It was difficult to deal with people who were unwilling to listen. Cadets who’d talk back and thought themselves better than their superiors. Punishments became a necessity for Kain. It didn’t mean they were pleasant for him, whenever he had to dish them out. Punishments still held memories of pain, of harsh words and of sadness and resentment. Punishments where unpleasant, they were supposed to be, so the receiving ones would better themselves.

Punishments were something undesirable and the more Kain used them, the more he would distance himself, the more he himself would become undesirable for other people just like he had resented and avoided his father back then. He didn’t mind though, as long as the people listened, they could resent him. As long as they respected him they could want to stay away from him.

Though it had also been a punishment that had caused his loyalty to waver, had driven him right to another lord, to someone else to swear his loyalty to.

It had resulted for Kain to once again be on the receiving end of punishments, whenever he did something his Lord deemed as wrong, as worthless, but also as a watching party as lower soldiers would be punished by him. And though while Lord Golbez was hard with his punishments and wouldn’t shy away from humiliation and degradation as a form of it, whenever Kain found himself in his private chambers, pressed to the bed, panting his name in need and want, he couldn’t help himself but look forward to the next time his Lord would decide to punish him somewhat differently.


	3. Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post FFIV main game (few years after), pre After Years

The Highwind family is not one of the noble families of Baron, never has been and none of the heirs to that name have ever intended to change that. The name Highwind is associated with the endless skies they rule over, the high mountains and the dragons that sleep on them. Sons of that name have always taken up the spear as their weapons of choice, loyal soldiers to the king, commanders of the dragoons. The daughters, never allowed to take up the weapon, would still always rise to become strategists and aids to their brothers in soul of the dragoons. They would all always loyally serve their lord and king and never abandon their honor and pride.

With the last of that name having left Baron the dragoons ultimately have disbanded, integrated within the other units of the army Barons.

Looking upon the sky, watching the birds pass by, a young blond man sighed as he adjusted the sword on his hip.

“By th’ way, lad, what’s yer name?”

He turned around looking at the sailor that had talked to him, leaning back against the railing.

“What does it matter?” he asked crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Well mighty much, lad. I mean we shall be on this ship a while, so it might come in handy t’ ‘ave a name fer yer pretty face. I mean yer folks must ‘ave given one t’ ye,” the sailor elaborated.

The man looked away another sigh leaving his lips, though accompanied by a smile.

“That would imply still being honorable enough to use the name my parents have given me.”

“Now come now, lad. Talk like that sounds mighty sad, fer someone yer age,” the sailor said and gently clapped him on the shoulder.

“Don’t bother, none o' us 'ave been able t' get much out o' 'im. Leave th' lad alone 'n rather get yer arse back t' work!”

The call from one of the other caused the sailor to swear under his breath and the young man to chuckle. The sailor gave him another one over before walking away shaking his head in the process. The young man turned around again, continuing to gaze upon the sky. Even without a war going on, the oceans were dangerous and many sailors hired someone to protect them on a longer voyage. The young swordsman was just like that, earning his money by accepting jobs like that, while also getting to the destination he had chosen for himself.

“A name… No the one owning the name hopefully still sleeps. I’ve lost the right to use it,” he muttered under his breath.

His eyes were drawn to the horizon where a mountain could be seen in the distance. His left hand went to grip the hilt of his sword before he closed his eyes letting it fall down next to him. As he opened them again he brought his hand up looking down on it imagining a spear resting in its palm. It only took a few moments for it to beginning shaking. He closed and opened it a few times but nothing changed, rather the opposite happened. With a sigh he let it fall again looking towards the horizon, continuing to watch it.

He balanced his weight onto his left leg, gripping the railing with his right. He lifted his right leg slightly, a way to keep the strain from it, to let it rest a bit while looking up at the sky a longing in his eyes. Some birds flew past, going their way, wherever the winds would lead them. He set his leg down again, still balancing his weight more onto his left leg though, a sigh leaving his lips.

“A dragon without his wings, a dragon without his claws…can he even then call himself a dragon then?” he muttered as he closed his eyes, letting the soft breeze soothe his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
> http://pirate.monkeyness.com/online_pirate_translator  
> ... (for like...the sailor slang...thingy...stuff...)


	4. Hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning I've put some...more headcanons of mine in here...so yeah just giving a heads up. :)

“You know what I don’t understand about you folks from Baron?”

“I don’t care Edge”

“Your ridiculous hair. Like I get it with Rosa, chicks with long hair are pretty cute, but you and Cecil? One could really think you two are chicks with how you care for it.”

Kain sighed as he removed the tie from his hair, his back turned to his companion, eyes looking out of the window of the inn. He was tired and really didn’t want to talk to Edge. His whole behavior just managed to get on Kain’s nerves. The aforementioned Cecil had gone out with Rydia and Rosa to restock their supplies in the small dwarf village, leaving Kain alone with the Eblanian prince. Right now, the dragoon regretted not having insisted on accompanying Cecil himself and letting the two girls rest. But both of his best friends had to be so stubborn just because Rubicante had burned one of his legs a bit more than Rosa’s white magic had been able to heal.

“But I mean the chicks must dig it, looking at Cecil and Rosa.”

Kain let out another sigh, keeping his back purposely turned to the prince. He couldn’t keep his mouth running forever.

“Though perhaps it’s not the hair but something bigger beneath the armor, right?”

“Do you ever shut up?” Kain asked, finally turning around.

Edge was grinning at him, laying back on the bed he had claimed for himself.

“Depends on the topic, pretty boy.”

“Just great…”, he sighed in defeat.

“Oh come on, don’t pretend you’re not wondering what she sees in him. I’ve seen the looks you’re shooting her.”

Kain flinched slightly, turning away again. He knew too well what kind of looks Edge was referring to. Though he hadn’t thought he had been too obvious about it.

“She sees him for the righteous, gracious and good-willed knight he is. Always has, always will,” he murmured, more to himself then to the ninja.

“So it’s not the hair? Phew and here I thought chicks form your region were into that. ‘Cause Rydia sure is one looker, would be a shame to pass on that if you know what I mean.”

“Would you maybe be so kind to stop referring to them as ‘chicks’. It is degrading and respectless. And if it is any of your concern, Rydia is a child, so please do not speak of her in such a way,” Kain replied, laying down himself.

“Wait what? Really, oh damn looks really can be deceiving, huh. Guess I should wait a few more years then,” Edge wondered out loud.

“But back to the important things at hand. What’s the story behind the long hair then? I mean if it’s not for the chi…uh women, then why? I mean I can only imagine that it’s extremely impractical.”

Kain looked over to the prince, surprised he actually listened to his request. He was looking at the ceiling, arms crossed underneath his head.

“Why do you care?”

Now Edge sat up again, looking over to Kain his grin replaced with an easy going smile. To think only a day ago probably he had to kill what had remained of his parents. But with that in mind, there where the small things, like the stiffness of his posture and the way his smile never really reached his eyes completely, that showed how much of a farce his behavior really was.

“Well I guess, even after the peace treaty with Baron had been signed six years ago, we never really got to learn about your customs all that much. And now I’m travelling with two Baronian knights, and when this is over I…well... I want Eblan to become a bit more open I guess.”

Kain chuckled at the slight guilty look passing over the prince’s features at the mention of the treaty, looking down into his lap. The war between Baron and Eblan was nothing that was often talked in Baron either. After that piece of paper had been signed the two countries had just started to ignore each other.

“Don’t worry Eblanian traditions aren’t really taught in schools in Baron either,” Kain replied.

Edge looked back at him again, smiling again.

Kain looked up at the ceiling thinking about what the ninja had said.

“And by the way, it had nothing to with Baronian customs either. I guess…it’s more of a personal thing,” he added.

“Really? So you two really just like looking like girls?” Edge asked.

Just like before the questions was posed in a way to get under Kain’s skin, to irritate but at the same time keep the conversation light hearted. Giving the circumstances and what the other had gone through a second thought, Kain couldn’t blame him. He himself had used a similar technique to keep other’s from pitying him after his father had died.

“I don’t know, the last time I checked I had a rather male anatomy about me. And I mean I would prove it to you, but you really aren’t my type,” he replied

“By the eidolons did you just make a joke? Like an honest joke? And here I had thought the whole time you had not one funny bone in your body.”

Kain chuckled again.

“My bad, maybe I should go back to that and you will stop bothering me?”

“No way, now that I know I’ll not let you go back, mister grumpy dragon,” Edge replied.

“But don’t think you can stray me from my original topic. So, why on the blue planet would a knight let his hair grow out like that. I mean seriously, if not to get laid and not because of traditions or stuff, why?” he added.

“A memento.”

Silence set in the room for a moment, before Edge let out a confused noise.

“Memento? What kind of memento is hair?”

“Obviously I can only talk about myself and not speak for Cecil, but for me it’s kind of a memento. A reminder of sorts I guess, to remember what my mother looked like,” Kain explained.

The room went quiet expect for some shuffling being heard from Edge’s bed. Kain looked over to him, noticing he had sat at the edge of his bed, looking down.

“I’m…sorry…”

The words were barely audible but the look Edge gave Kain told him more than his words could. The dragoon sat up on his bed sighing.

“Don’t be, my apologies for bringing it up.”

“Dude, I was the one prying! But…like…can I ask…”

“15 years. She’s been gone for 15 years. As a boy people would always tell me how much I looked like her. So…I guess I thought I wouldn’t forget what she looked like if I let my hair grow long, to look even more like her. Though…it didn’t work as well as I hoped it would,” he explained.

“Wow. Now I kinda feel like a hypocrite.”

“Why? Because you grieved or probably are still grieving your parents death? It’s only natural,” Kain said chuckling.

“This took a dark turn, from just talking about hair,” Edge admitted.

“It did indeed. Though, just to let you know, you don’t have to pretend to be fine. All of us can understand at least in a way what you are going through, we just have our ways to hide it.”

“Really?”

Kain chuckled again.

“Of course. So…just know that you can talk to all of us,” he said.

Kain laid down again, turning away from Edge, his mind turning to darker places.

“Again…really?” Edge asked.

His tone was more cautious than confused this time, more asking for permission specifically.

“Fair warning, I’m only a good listener, if you need advice you should go to the others”, Kain murmured.

“Fair enough. Thanks, Kain…”


	5. Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kain age: 15/22

_“Please just swallow it. I can’t lose you, not you, too!”_

_Kain held the mouth of the dragon in front of him closed, blinking away the tears that threatened to leave his eyes._

_“Please…Traev…”_

_The dragon looked at him eyes barely open, not struggling against the boy’s grip on him. His bluish black scales shimmered matt his wings laying against his body. Kain pulled back looked down, locked eyes with the dragon. Purple meeting black, desperation meeting defeat. The boy shook his head and pulled out herbs from the bag he had placed beside himself._

_He put them in his own mouth a pained expression flashing over his face while chewing them. The dragon watched him, watched him as he spat out the now pasty mixture of spit and herbs and trying to get him to eat it. He opened his mouth swallowing the herbs._

_Kain let out a sign of relief, cleaning his own mouth with some water he had brought, before making the dragon in front of him drink some to._

_“Please don’t leave me like the old man did…please…,” he whispered._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-seven years later-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

“Pathetic.”

Kain clutched his side, pressed his hand against his biggest wound as he watched himself leave small cave. Mirrors and crystals around him shone blood red and light blue at the same time, the largest behind him broken. He knew he needed to get out of here. He knew he couldn’t let him get away, or else everyone would be in danger. Cecil and Rosa would be in danger.

Kain crawled to the exit squinting his eyes against the light blinding him and he saw him again. His armor was slightly darker than the scattered one he still wore. But it was himself.

Kain heard a roar, both of them did and looked up to see a familiar bluish-black dragon flying towards them.

“Perfect timing. Let us go!”

The dragon seemed to sense what had happened though. He shied away from the man approaching him. The man looking like his partner since a few years.

“What is wrong? Don’t you recognize me?”

The dragon let out another roar, sending a fiery breath on the dragoon direction. Both Kain’s looked shocked at what happened and the one under attack quickly jumped away. The dragon positioned itself between both of the men looking at the unscathed one, shielding the wounded.

“What are…what…why?” he managed to say.

“Yes. Why? Why would you protect this pathetic excuse for a human being?!” the other one screamed.

The dragon roared once again staying in place to shield the man lying on the ground.

“Hm, as you wish. I shall end both of your existences then.”

“No…Go, please. Go away,” Kain said.

The dragon wouldn’t listen as the dragoon in the darkened armor attacked him. His sight was getting blurry while his mind was slipping, but all he could do was watch. He couldn’t move anymore, couldn’t do anything. From behind him a light emerged, white or maybe silver in color. The dragon didn’t let it distract him, while the dragoon had to shield his sight from it. Kain looked back, but only saw a human shape within the light before his mind faded out of consciousness.

_._._._._._

When Kain awoke again he was lying down, his body covered in bandages. The wounds were still fresh, so much he could tell as he tried to move, tried to sit. His mind was heavy, riddled with thoughts, but one overshadowing them all.

“Where is he!”

He looked around to find himself within a small room, wood-colored walls around him with a tiny desk placed next to the bed he was laying in. A bit of light shone into the room from the window next to the bed and one look outside showed Kain a sky full of clouds. He was alone, but where he was he didn’t know.

He had been on Mt. Ordeals. He should have been dead. Had it been a dream? No his wounds told another story.

As the door opened his head fell to the side to see who would come for him. Who had found him. An elderly woman entered the room, a soft smile on her face which left shortly for surprise but soon returned once seeing he has awakened.

“How are you feeling?”

Her voice was calm and warm, helping to sooth the thoughts overflowing in Kain’s mind. Her brown, partly grey, hair was tied back into a neat bun and Kain watched her dress flow freely around her legs, as she approached the bed. It was beige in color with some white here and there, simple in design.

“I…I’m… I don’t know, sore I guess. Where am I?”

The woman nodded, pulling a chair Kain had failed to notice back and sat down.

“Oh don’t worry, my boy. You are north of Mount Ordeals. A small village of the name Tisde. But back to you, are you in pain?”

Tisde…

He vaguely remembered seeing a village on the continent, but had never been really aware of it. At least he didn’t end up in Mysidia. The last thing he needed was Cecil or Rosa figuring out where he was and having him and Rosa worry.

“Not when I’m still. How did I get here? I don’t remember.”

The woman’s face fell slightly an air of sadness setting within the room. She looked at him for a while in silence before sighing and shaking her head.

“A dragon with night-blue scales has brought you here. Both of you had been severely wounded, but he wouldn’t let anyone touch him, would only silently urge us to treat you. He left this world a night ago watching over you as you slept,” she said.

Kain’s sight began to swim and he had to blink a few times once he comprehended what she was telling him. He had given his life, to save him. The other dragoon had been his companion over the last seven years just as himself. So why save him and fight the other? Why rescue the weak one and go against the stronger?

“Did you…already dispose of his corpse?”

Kain turned his head again to look at the ceiling, letting the tears fall down his checks. The woman put a hand on his arm.

“No, we haven’t. The men have started to ready the ritual though, to help his soul find peace.”

Kain shook his head.

“Don’t. I’ll do it. It would only be right for me to bury him. I should have the necessary things in my bag,” he said.

“I see. Tell me boy, are you sure about it?”

Kain nodded, slowly sitting up. His body was aching, the bandages coloring red slightly as he moved. The blanket pooled in his lap and he looked down on himself for a moment. His whole upper body was covered in bandages and his legs partly as well. As he turned to sit at the edge of the bed, he looked up at the woman.

“Please let me see him.”

She looked at him in surprise, taken aback by his determination but also sad for the loss he had endured.

“He must have been very dear to you,” she said, but nodded.

“He was all the family I had left,” Kain answered.

She helped him stand up from the bed, his right leg having been injured especially bad. While she guided him outside he had to think about his parents, about how he had seen his mother laying on the floor of their house all bloody. About how his father had grabbed his spear and stormed out after the figure vanishing out the door, just as they had arrived. About how she still had smiled at him while he had been crying. About how his father had cried.

The memories of how he had argued with his father and how he had screamed at him, came to his mind. How he had often stormed away, telling him he hated him, until one day he couldn’t take it back anymore. How he had hoped so hard, that the dragon his father had left behind, just as he had left him behind, would become healthy again.

By the time they had arrived, with a short stop to pick up his bag, which had survived everything rather unscathed surprisingly, silent tears were freely flowing down his face.

He let go of the woman and walked up to the dragon. Kain could clearly see the wounds on his body, wounds from a spear. It shamed him to see Traev, the dragon that he had known since he had been a toddler, like this. And he knew it was his fault.

Kain sat down in front of him, close enough to be able to put his hand onto his head.

“So you’re finally going back to the old man, huh? Take care of him and mother when you get there, ok?” he said.

He put his head down onto the dragon’s and closed his eyes letting the breeze swaying branches of trees slightly in the distance be the only sound prevailing. The tears didn’t stop, but Kain didn’t make a noise painting the scene as if he was withering away together with the dragon in front of him. The woman grew restless, looking at the sky, the dark clouds Kain had seen from the bed gathering together over the village.

After a few moments Kain pulled back and started to look through his bag. First he pulled out a knife cutting of a good length of his hair leaving what was remaining unkempt. He placed the chunk of hair next to the head of the dragon, making sure it would be caught as well. Putting the knife away he retrieved a bomb crank holding it in his left hand, staring at it for a while.

Kain stood up tearing his gaze from the bomb crank and letting it rest on the corpse in front of him once more. If he only still had his spear, then he could leave it as well, but Kain could only assume what was left of it had remained on Mt. Ordeals.

“It’s not much, but I hope it will guide you nonetheless. Back to where you came from, and where you will now go to rest.”

He limped back to the woman, cracking the orb in his hand and throwing it towards the corpse before it could fully ignite.

“He surely will find peace. Back when dragons would fall in battle, the dragoons of old could often not afford more than a few strands of hair to send the souls of their draconic partners off. It will suffice, for he had not wanted to you join him just yet,” she consoled him.

“I know, still I wish it had been more.”

Kain watched as the fire started, licking on the cracked scales of the dragon in front of him. He watched the as the wind that picked up in strength only fueled the fire instead of stilling it. He knew he should go, rain would soon follow, and even if he could not call himself a dragoon anymore he still had to see this through until the end. It would not do to go any sooner. While Kain did not believe in much except what he himself knew to be true, the bond between a dragon and a dragoon was sacred to him. And to guide his soul properly he needed to leave a piece of himself behind. And he needed to watch.

Watch the last member of his family he had left go, and with him eventually the past.


End file.
